Perfectionism Is Insidious

One of my besties and I were chatting this morning (as we do every morning) and the subject of perfectionism came up. She has two year old twins and is in the thick of potty training, and it's both fascinating and heartbreaking (in that "Aaaaah, yes, I remember those days" way) to listen to her stories.

One of the babies has taken to potty training very quickly. He realized that he got a raisin every time he uses the toilet, so now he pees on command, whenever he wants a treat. 

Girl baby, however, has not had such an easy time. She had a perfect first day, but an accident on Day 2, and in my friend's words, 

"Now refuses to consider trying again, ever." 

UGH. Heartbreak. Because I have been there. I remember, not just as a mom trying to get my children over that hump of perfectionism, but as a woman trying to get MYSELF over it. How many words have I not written, how many pictures have I not drawn, how many songs have I not sung, just because I was afraid I wouldn't do it perfectly?

My children struggle with perfectionism as well. Brofessor is really struggling with math right now. Not because he's not good at math; he's good at math, and he understands the concepts. But he looks at big numbers and PANICS. He is so afraid that he will make a mistake that he doesn't want to try. Creato-Girl will throw away pages of gorgeous drawings because of a tiny perceived flaw. Robo-Kid won't build when the scary green nitpicking monster rears its head. Honeybee will sigh, stomp her feet, and refuse to sing if she gets a lyric wrong. And frankly, it's stupid, because who would know? It's her song. She made it up. But perfectionism is mean and doesn't care if our screw ups are visible to the rest of the universe. It's about US, and how we see ourselves.

The thing is, most mistakes are not life altering. If I accidentally post a blog with terrible grammar or that just isn't coherent, who cares? If my kid makes a mistake and gets an answer wrong in math, who cares? None of these things change our lives. And, (irony!) fixating on the tiny mess ups is a great way to pull our focus away from the things that matter in our lives: our relationship with our Creator, our relationships with our fellow humans, and our ultimate goals.

We have all been given good gifts. We have all had those times (even just for a second) where we jumped in, rapturous and free, to something new. We have all experienced the pure, unspoiled pleasure of creating something just for the sake of creating it. I want us to get back there again, even if it means messing up. The perfectionism is insidious. But it does not have to steal our joy.