"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
I love this. And it's true. I've spent years of my life making excuses for people who are cruel, or unkind, or selfish. Frankly, I've spent years of my life making excuses for myself.
"I was having a bad day."
"I had PMS."
"I had low blood sugar."
The thing is, I really do believe that your patterns of behavior define you. Everyone gets angry. But if you have a habit of rage, you might be an angry person, and you might need help. Everyone gets sad. But if you find yourself sad all the time, you might have depression and you might need help.
It's okay. Patterns and habits can be changed. Not easily, but they can. If you find, somehow, that you've developed into a jerk, that's fixable. I've had to do it. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that everyone who has survived their teenage years has had to do it, with a handful of exceptions. I'm pretty sure my best friend Jacque never went through a jerk phase. (Last night I called Jacque "the most likable person on the planet" to her face. Sorry, not sorry.)
I think about social media a lot, probably because I'm on social media a lot. My family travels and social media is a good way for us to keep in touch with our people and document our journey. But lately, I've noticed that for some, social media has become a digital Westworld; a way to fulfill cruel fantasies by commenting viciously, harshly, and without consequence. What is that about, I wonder? Is it just a way to pretend that we are top dogs who "don't take any crap from anyone?" Is it genuine heartlessness and inhumanity? Is it the thrill of being right?
For a couple of years, now, some people that I used to go to church with have been posting really mean stuff on Facebook. I thought I knew these men, but the other day, one of them posted that "People on the left really are a different species, and we might need to think about putting them down." This man was a leader in our church. He was, if you believe in that sort of thing, spiritually responsible for other human beings. And now he is advocating for...what, exactly? The euthanasia of people who don't share his political beliefs? That's obviously crazy, and not what anyone calling themselves a Christian should be saying.
But I keep making excuses. I keep telling myself that if we could meet up in person and have a discussion, that if we could just look at each other face to face, we could find common ground. After all, these are good people, right? These are husbands and fathers (sorry, menfolk, I have yet to see any of this from women) and pillars of their churches and communities.
Are they, though? Can you really call yourself a decent human being if the person you are on Facebook and Twitter borders on psychopathic? If you are in the habit of tearing people down, calling people names, screaming for the euthanasia of folks who don't share your politics, and generally being a boor, but it's only on social media, does it count?
I don't really know the answer to these questions, but I'm inclined to agree with Dr. Angelou. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People's social media selves are versions of themselves. My social media self is a version of my self. It's not the whole version, because I don't show you the incredible mess left over after my kid uses my shower. (Although I will sometime, because it's an epic mess worth seeing.) Your social media self is a version of your self too.
I don't believe that any of these guys would use the language that they use on Facebook to my face. I don't believe they would call me "moron," or "libtard," or "snowflake" in person. But I'm not sure that matters. They are willing to call someone those names online, and online bullying is just as bad, just as damaging, and just as painful as in person bullying.
I joined Twitter today, to help Jenny promote her book. I used to post on Twitter, years ago, to post about our family's farm. Twitter was new and not nearly as crazy as it is now; theoretically, you could read your entire Twitter feed back then. But that's not the only difference between Twitter in its infancy and Twitter now. Now, Twitter is much more political and it is much more cruel. All you have to do to get someone to call you names and threaten you is disagree with them. I'm honestly a little bit scared to tweet, and I'm a nice person, with no plans to make anyone mad. At least not on purpose.
I think it's time for us to do better. I believe that we can. And actually, I believe that Christians, who are called to be the light of the world, must. There's been a lot of talk about "tough love" and "speaking truth" lately. But without love, we're a whole bunch of resounding gongs. It's time to be kind. Even online.
Oh, and PS: if calling someone a "libtard" or a "snowflake" is in ANY way loving or Christ-like, I'm a bowl of soup.
But I keep making excuses. I keep telling myself that if we could meet up in person and have a discussion, that if we could just look at each other face to face, we could find common ground. After all, these are good people, right? These are husbands and fathers (sorry, menfolk, I have yet to see any of this from women) and pillars of their churches and communities.
Are they, though? Can you really call yourself a decent human being if the person you are on Facebook and Twitter borders on psychopathic? If you are in the habit of tearing people down, calling people names, screaming for the euthanasia of folks who don't share your politics, and generally being a boor, but it's only on social media, does it count?
I don't really know the answer to these questions, but I'm inclined to agree with Dr. Angelou. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People's social media selves are versions of themselves. My social media self is a version of my self. It's not the whole version, because I don't show you the incredible mess left over after my kid uses my shower. (Although I will sometime, because it's an epic mess worth seeing.) Your social media self is a version of your self too.
I don't believe that any of these guys would use the language that they use on Facebook to my face. I don't believe they would call me "moron," or "libtard," or "snowflake" in person. But I'm not sure that matters. They are willing to call someone those names online, and online bullying is just as bad, just as damaging, and just as painful as in person bullying.
I joined Twitter today, to help Jenny promote her book. I used to post on Twitter, years ago, to post about our family's farm. Twitter was new and not nearly as crazy as it is now; theoretically, you could read your entire Twitter feed back then. But that's not the only difference between Twitter in its infancy and Twitter now. Now, Twitter is much more political and it is much more cruel. All you have to do to get someone to call you names and threaten you is disagree with them. I'm honestly a little bit scared to tweet, and I'm a nice person, with no plans to make anyone mad. At least not on purpose.
I think it's time for us to do better. I believe that we can. And actually, I believe that Christians, who are called to be the light of the world, must. There's been a lot of talk about "tough love" and "speaking truth" lately. But without love, we're a whole bunch of resounding gongs. It's time to be kind. Even online.
Oh, and PS: if calling someone a "libtard" or a "snowflake" is in ANY way loving or Christ-like, I'm a bowl of soup.
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